I’m a thinker. That’s great, right? Well, sort of. Ever since I saw this YouTube video, I have been contemplating how much time I spend in my head every the day.

On the positive side, I analyze past experiences in order to learn from them. If I have on-going tasks that are unfinished, I switch between active and passive thinking of them. It brings me a sense of happiness to know that even though I am away from the matter, I can still contribute to my success later by engaging with the mental model I have of the situation.

On the flip side, I have lots of conversations in my head. With my alter egos, with the mental images I have created of people around me. It’s actually scary how far these conversations can go and how they can manifest in feelings of agitation, anger or sadness due to their imaginary outcome. It’s ridiculous!

Listening David Goggins talk about his ability to switch off, makes me jealous. Having such a switch that he feels like he is on vacation - to me that’s a super power. Regardless of how far I am from unlocking this skill, I decided to work on it. The first thing that I did was ask myself “How do I feel when I’m on holiday?” Lack of interest in the exact hour of the day, day of the week (i.e. careless), general happiness, taking it easy (disengaged) are things that came to mind. Though I’m a man of action even during vacation, it feels effortless to go through the day. You know why? Because I am present. Even though I have places to go, the responsibility towards a given appointment is by choice. In short, I am in control.

When I made this realization, I knew it is actually possible to have these “mini vacations”, these moments of effortless presence. What I needed to do is remind myself of how it feels to be on vacation and disengage from everything by actively paying attention to the matter at hand. If I’m driving, I hold on to the steering wheel, focus on the road, listen to some music and enjoy the ride provided by modern day vehicles. If I’m working out, I focus on the movement I perform, take in my surroundings, feel the air on my face, the dirt on my skin, the pulse of my heart. If I’m in the bus, I listen to the sounds of the engine, I look around at my co-passengers as well as the passing views. If I’m talking to someone, I put my phone away, I listen to what they say, I pay attention to their body language and their facial expressions.

The point is, I am trying to be there and engage. At least, that’s how I imagine things should be.

I’m sure that by now you, dear reader, guessed that all of this is aimed at control. Owning the remote to what is on in my head at any given moment. Being kind to myself and not living with regret over the would-haves. Understanding that now is the only time when I can perform an action other than rumination.

As many other things in my life, this undertaking is very much a work in progress. Still, distilling these thoughts in my small corner of the web provides one approach to experiencing greater fulfilment in life. And that’s already a lot.