This is my story of 2022. The story of how in the span of two weeks, I went from the best version of myself to someone I barely recognized. That and the experiences following. This story has been unfolding since the beginning of the year. It still is. I feel that I’m ready to talk about it now. Primarily, because I have achieved some milestones I set for myself. Also, because enough time has passed to put this journey in the long haul category.

In the end of January 2022 I got infected with COVID. This was possibly the second time I had it. I’m not sure exactly since the beginning of the pandemic is blurry - primarily due to the upcoming birth of my child. Regardless, in my experience the second time around was noticeably different than the one prior. As a matter of fact, it was different from anything I had ever felt in my life (I mean that in a negative way).

It all started with my wife getting infected. After a couple of days I felt the tiredness. A quick test confirmed the suspicion. I stayed home expecting to get hit by the bus. And so I did. Throughout my whole torso everything was popping, snapping, creaking. I felt like my body was some old used door that was barely hanging on its hinges. I started to have lower back pain and pain in my left shoulder. After being demolished for a week with all this, a COVID test told me I am not infected. I begged to differ. I still felt like trash.

To add more to the challenge, my son brought some kind of stomach virus home. In a matter of days everything that I did when going to the toilet involved liquids. Subsequently, I got a 40C fever one eventing. It was accompanied by severe shaking in the body and a serious scare for my family. The next day the fingers on my hands started to get cold while I was sitting at home. It was a very strange and unpleasant experience. I consulted with a doctor online regarding this new found problem and they said that it is because I lost electrolytes. I got some and proceeded to replenish all the vitamins and minerals that I had lost. That didn’t help.

After another week of illness, I started to stabilize. I had lost 3kg in two weeks, my fingers were getting cold randomly, all my joints where popping, something connecting them (muscles, ligaments, I don’t know) was snapping, my lower back hurt, my left shoulder hurt and my body was super fatigued. I was counting up all these things and thought to myself that this cannot be real. This is where the mental imprint of my illness started. Throughout my life I had never had an injury or health problem of any kind that took me out of balance to that extent. Hence, for the first time I struggled so severely to accept that I am helpless in the face of this foe. I was in scramble mode and didn’t know how to conduct myself. How to continue taking care of my child, being there for my wife, going to work and (most importantly) taking care of myself.

Days passed. Things stayed the same with the only difference that energy levels had increased. I visited my GP a couple of times to get some general blood tests done. All came back very positive. It was confusing. On one hand I was happy that I’m not dying (due to some mad set of circumstance, you know Corona). On the other - I was not feeling well. I pestered my GP and managed to get another blood test done (which also came up great), a picture of my lungs (yes, all good) and a cardiography (flawless, excellent, magnifique). Still, I felt like poo. More pestering got me to a post-COVID clinic. There they did another very, very thorough. I was scheduled a battery of blood tests and an appointment with a doctor. When the results came out, I started scrolling through the values they listed and their labels, I felt like I’m attending some advanced MD lecture. Of course, you probably know already that everything was tip-top. The doctor talked to me about my symptoms and my results, and concluded that things should resolve on their own.

In the mean time, I decided to start going to physios to address my easier physical symptoms. One for the lower back and one for the shoulder. One in-person and one online. The latter one quickly transitioned to an in-person too. The progress with both was small but felt like going in the right direction. I was diligent to do as I was told and aimed to be present at all sessions. In the end the lower back pain went away but the shoulder pain stayed.

Going back to all my other symptoms. I tried to go to a rheumatologist. My GP was reluctant. I ended up switching my GP. I got a referral for a rheumatologist, neurologist. In the process of waiting I was constantly sick - either with a cold or a stomach problem or some kind of tiredness or fever … I had pain in my body and no stretch or supplement I took (and I tried literally everything I got my hands on) could get me even a step forward.

Summer was fast approaching and so were my planned vacations. I visited my family and the in-laws. Yet, nowhere I went felt ok. There was always this pain, this limitation that didn’t allow me to rest my body or my mind. I felt like happiness was never there - I was just sad or in a foul mood. I tried to use new encounters as a way to refresh my mind. I took full advantage of my body, every time it gave me the slightest signal that it is getting better. Every such glimmer of hope was drowned by weeks of being sick or feeling smashed.

I would say around this time I started to realize that this will not just go away. That this will require extra effort from me. Changing my diet, paying a lot of money to a healthcare professional, taking fancy supplements. Something that is not given over the counter and that my mom knows nothing about. I made this realization during the many moments when I was laying on the soft carpet at home, staring at the ceiling trying to stretch my body in a new way just to find relief. I was angry. How come I am getting sick and not those pushovers that don’t do a tenth of what I do for my health? I was disillusioned. When is this thing ending? How do I feel now? How about now? What if I do this? And sad. Why can’t I move? Why does it hurt me? I want it to stop. NOW!

Control is what I am about. Yet, that was the only thing I didn’t have. My body is something I take great care of. Yet, it was not doing what I wanted it to do. On the outside people saw me look as I always did. On the inside there were strong storms crashing my mental state in the rocks of reality over and over again to no avail.

When things started to stall (e.g. I was waiting for weeks or months to be received by the corresponding doctor), I decided to try alternative medicine. As luck would have it, I met a fantastic human being in a lady that had her fair share of health issues in the past many years. She pointed me to several practitioners of different kind. First, I gave Chinese medicine a try. I managed three sessions and some weird things that totally collided with my lifestyle before dropping the whole experience. Secondly, I visited an osteopath. Albeit requiring a hefty, initial, financial investment, we clicked and I have been seeing him every since. Our sessions are very “walk and talk” and since we align well it feels more like visiting a friend rather than a healthcare professional. This attitude is something that mainstream healthcare could definitely do more of.

The last planned appointment with a doctor from all the ones I wanted to visit passed. It was no surprise that the ultrasound examination and dialog came to the conclusion that a) COVID is strange, b) it takes years to heal and c) that I am in perfect health as far as modern medicine can tell.

Several months of quiet recovery (at last) where followed by another round of health issues - this time it was my hearing and my heart rate. Visiting the corresponding doctors confirmed what my family told me - I’m stressed. More unreasonably than not but I am.

With all of this being said, you must understand that I did my best. I tried almost all doctor profiles (all but a gynaecologist) and came up with excellent grades. It is reassuring that all the hard work I did to put my body in an amazing state really did pay off. It is great to know that as a father, a husband, a son and a responsible adult desperately fighting to contain aging as a process that’s taking place within their body.

On the flip side - the fingers are still cold (diagnosis is Raynold’s phenomenon) and body still experiences cracking and popping all around (diagnosis is “that’s normal/it should go away”). Lower back still gets stiff form time to time and I am sure that I’m having some type of stress related condition.

In the passed months, I opened up many times to people about he problems. I was lucky to see that some understood me and genuinely wanted to help. It has been beautiful to watch how many people were willing to listen to me and be considerate about my problems. The reality is that all of us are dealing with something. The question is whether we have the support system to handle what comes our way. Taking into account all that I have written above, I’d say the most important things are - positive mindset and a loving environment composed of family and friends.

I wish nobody to ever experience what I have gone through this year. Yet, if someone out there feels like they are alone and things are not going well, remember your support system.